The Power of Boundaries to Manage Relationship Stress
Fighting with a sibling about another sibling. Having a difficult conversation with your partner. Dealing with “politics” in a work environment. These are all examples of relational stress — aka — stress that stems from relationships. Relational stress is among the most challenging forms to manage because you can only control half of the equation: your own actions and choices.
One of the best places to start when managing stress in your relationships with others is to set healthy boundaries. Setting “ground rules” in a relationship, whether within a friendship, romantic partner, or family connection, creates a framework with clear expectations and limits. These parameters allow both people to feel comfortable and free.
When boundaries have never been discussed or set, one person may hurt the other repeatedly without knowledge or intent, creating negative consequences for the relationship. Some relationships come with expected boundaries (like not calling your coworkers during the night), while others have to be determined individually by experiences. But a relationship without any boundaries is a breeding ground for resentment.
Boundaries are necessary for forming functional relationships for people with emotional dysregulation (such as personality or mood disorders). But setting boundaries doesn’t mean a person or a situation is disordered. Anyone can benefit by recognizing and setting an emotional limit, especially during stressful situations like significant events or holidays.’
Two things that can help set healthy boundaries are:
Emotional intelligence: Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and express your emotions — especially in interpersonal relationships. Strengthening your Emotional Intelligence while setting boundaries is vital to understanding the relationship dynamic and how emotions influence that dynamic. According to what you want and need from the relationship, emotional intelligence helps you manage the relationship in the most functional way.
Communication: Once you’ve identified the problem or your needs in your relationship, the next step is to practice effective communication with the other person. There are countless resources to teach you effective communication, but at minimum, effective communication is straightforward, honest, and reflective. Start by stating your needs and being assertive. Assertiveness is a communicative choice between aggressiveness and passiveness. Assertive communication is respectful but clear and concise. Many of us focus on being polite and pleasant in social situations. Being assertive can sometimes be perceived as being curt since you’re not leading with kindness, but being assertive is really about being honest and communicating your needs effectively and firmly.
How to set boundaries:
In every relationship, the process of setting boundaries will look a little different. You might set them at the start, or you might set them after something happens that you wish never to happen again. This is a general strategy for setting boundaries in an existing relationship.
- Start by telling the other person why you’re setting the boundary — because you love them and want to preserve the relationship.
- Define the boundary you wish to set.
- Tell them what will happen if the boundaries are crossed (cutting ties, less contact, change in the relationship, etc.)
- Follow through with the action.
If you’re new to setting boundaries, start with assertively saying no to things that make you uncomfortable. Over time, setting boundaries will become easier. And as you create healthier boundaries, you’ll likely see positive changes in your mental health and the stability of your relationships.
Download the LUCA app to learn more about Emotional Intelligence and start creating healthy boundaries today.
